An old sexist joke purports to describe the duties of the mother of the groom: Show up, shut up, and wear beige. And first, let me say that nobody expected me to shut up. My son and his beloved merged cultures in their wedding, and they asked our opinion every step of the way. Also, I did not wear beige.
We gathered at a house near the bride's family home with the bridegroom's brothers and our honorary daughters. Michael and I were in heaven to spend several days with the whole family. A traditional Indian wedding lasts for days, or sometimes weeks. Our happy couple chose the most meaningful parts from their own cultures and merged them into three days of rituals and parties. The ceremonies began with the Mehndi—a festive party with wedding guests where we all had the chance to have the intricate patterns of henna applied to our hands. The bride had designs on her hands and arms (like long, elegant gloves) and on her feet. The groom had mehndi on his palms, and each of their names were hidden in their designs. It was a fun game for each to search for the names of their beloved.
Of course, each of these parties included lots of food, and our good sandhi and sandhan (our new relatives, for we are joining families) are so hospitable, that we felt welcome. It takes a long time for the henna to dry (the longer you leave it on, the darker the designs—or—the more you love, the darker the design) and while we waited, we had dancing. Indian weddings have a lot of choreographed dancing, and my family had been practicing our steps, but we couldn't rival the energetic rhythms of some dancers. And there was more to come at the wedding the next day.
I was tasked with arranging the flowers. I brought up nine vases and a load of flowers from home (about half from Birdland and the other half from our friend, Gayle). Michelle (Dylan's beloved) used her loving touch to fill the vases and they were perfect. It was a morning wedding, and we arrived early to help set up. I should say that the house where we stayed did not allow street shoes, so I was wearing my fuzzy slippers. I set my wedding day shoes by the door, but in the excitement, jumped in the car without them. No worries. I sent a message back to my other sons to bring them, and they promised to have them there before 10 when the wedding guests were set to arrive. Picture me in my beautiful turquoise Mother-of-the-groom dress, running around setting vases on the tables, wearing my fuzzy slippers (which were light blue and at least didn't clash with my dress). Of course, guests began arriving early. Of course, my sons arrived a little late. What could I do? I just made a joke of it until the kids showed up with my shoes.
The ceremony itself mixed it up, with ancient Hindu traditions with some contemporary ideas. Before the couple read their vows, there was a scuffle about Ellis' shoes. He had to take them off to step under the wedding canopy. The bride's sister stole his shoes! His brothers were supposed to protect them, but they missed their chance when they went to get water at an inopportune time, and Ellis had to pay a hefty ransom to get them back.
Blessings under the canopy followed with chanting and fruit and flowers and promises. Lila, Chandra's wife, came up under the canopy to help pass a red string around the couple to bind them together and symbolize how their lives are now braided. It was all very meaningful. At the reception was dancing and our family did pretty well despite only practicing together once. And of course, more delicious Indian food.
The following day was the Puja, and I wore my Indian clothes gifted to me from our sandhi and sandhan upon the engagement of our children. Some aunties came and put a chain of jasmine flowers in my hair. “Now,” said one with satisfaction, “you look like a proper mother of the bridegroom.” We mingled and chatted while the newly married couple sat with the priest to offer and receive blessings. It ended with the whole congregation singing words I couldn't understand but the melody was so sweet. Such a nice welcoming of the new couple.
And now we're on the way home with full hearts after spending four days with all three of our sons and their partners. The chicory blooms right on the edge of the pavement. Queen Anne's lace and teasel punctuate the greenery, and I am thinking of all of the colors of the past four days.
Unite in Beauty; Blend in Peace; Blessed Be.
Some of these photos are taken by various people, including Chamila Amithrigala, Mangal Nagarkar, Ellis Hoag, and goldenhoursweddings.com.
Everyone looks beautiful! And I tried and failed to imagine you in beige 😂 How long did the henna last?
Beautiful, Mary.